God's Word Transforms Us

Growing up, there was nothing I hated more than someone telling me that my parents wanted what was best for me right after being told me I wasn’t allowed to have a certain toy or go to one of my friends’ houses. It made it even worse when my parents were the ones reminding me that they only had my best interests in mind. Like most young children, this is where a tantrum would unfold.

“That’s not fair.” “I never want to see you again.” “I hate you.” These are just a handful of the things I would scream to voice my displeasure. It seemed every time I didn’t get what I wanted, there was a reason for it. I was tired of hearing the same things over and over again, especially as I got older. In my mind, the older I became, the more acceptable certain behaviors would become and the more likely I would get what I wanted. While this was true to some extent, it certainly wasn’t a universal rule of thumb. I kept hearing the same things over and over again.

Eventually, as I entered high school and my spiritual faith came into my life again, the age-old things I was told as a child merely turned into “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12) or “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you” (Luke 6:31) . I kept hearing the same things continually, but never had a reason why they were important except that they were supposed to help keep me out of trouble. Most of the time, they seemed to have no effect. I rarely if ever saw the fruits from obeying them, at least not immediately.

As my spiritual life has matured over the past few years, I’ve encountered a lot of similar situations. Often times, I’ll be praying through scripture and read the same common phrases over and over again. In times of desolation, my household brothers and mentors will tell me the same things continually. In my head, I sometimes think, “Yeah, that’s great. I’m glad that worked out for you, but I’ve tried it a million times and it has gotten me nowhere.” Extreme desolation has even led me to wonder if the path I’m on is even worth following.

While praying one afternoon, all these phrases and scripture verses kept running through my head. Jesus then led me into the gospels to where He had uttered some of these same phrases to his apostles and those desiring to follow him. Suddenly, pieces started coming together that were always right there, but never clicked in my head.

Jesus repeatedly says similar things not because He has nothing else to say, but because He has nothing better to say. That’s an extremely important distinction. God became man in the form of Jesus because He wanted us to understand that He could relate with us. During times of desolation, we’re not on an island. Evening during times of consolation, Jesus is with us. This is why it becomes so important that we ask God for help during times of trial but not forget to praise Him when He answers our prayers.

So why does Jesus constantly repeat himself? Again, it’s not because Jesus had a list of nice things He was supposed to share and once He reached the end of the list, He just decided to start over again. The truth is Jesus knew how fundamentally important His word was to His people. Think back to a professor or teacher you’ve had who has said multiple times, “You’re going to see this again on the final.” That’s usually a pretty good sign that you’ll need to remember the information and, because it is repeated in class, you’re more likely to remember it.

Jesus’s word is transformative, but only to the extent in which those who receive it are willing to respond. When we allow it to penetrate our hearts, we become new bodies set apart to do God’s will. Those who aren’t receptive of His word will go on with their lives as normal.

Roy Hall, former Ohio State and NFL wide receiver, put it best when speaking to the men of Saint Paul’s Outreach during Barbasol Men’s Night a few weeks ago. He said, “Your thoughts will always lead to your feelings and emotions. Emotions always lead to decisions. Decisions lead to actions. Actions, over the course of time, are habits. Habits, over time, develop your heart, your character. Your character has everything to do with your destiny. [It determines] what you end up doing [and] who you are a person.”

This a striking representation of the effect Jesus’s word has in our lives. He repeats many of the same sentiments so they will eventually become our thoughts. Just as when you hear a professor repeat himself several times in a lecture, when Jesus says the same thing several times, it eventually begins to repeat itself in our minds. This is where the transformation begins. Those thoughts, which are the word of God, inscribe themselves in our hearts, forever changing our feelings and emotions. We become a selfless people. We become a compassionate people. We become God’s people. This new heart changes our decisions and moves us to act in a different way. As we continue to act in the way God has called us, we form godly habits. We no longer need to think about every decision to determine if that is what God wants us to do. It becomes a part of who we are and we simply act upon it.

This formula is how saints are created, but it doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't just happen when we are baptized or confirmed. We become more attune to the Spirit in our lives which makes us more receptive of where God is calling us, but it isn't a magical pill. There are no “instant” saints. There are, however, saints who have battled through periods of desolation, temptation, doubt, fear, you name it. What sets these men and women apart was they opened themselves to what Jesus was saying to them and acted.

The next time you read a scripture verse for 100^th time, don’t just assume you know exactly what God is saying. There’s always something else to learn. If nothing else, reflect upon what that verse is saying and ask yourself if you live your life in accordance to it. There’s a reason scripture is the divine word of God. Jesus comes right out and tells us what fundamental principles are necessary in order to become the best disciples possible and eventually become saints. He wants His word to be inscribed in our hearts so that we can be transformed in such a way that everything we say and everything we do points back to Him. 

Christ Will Give You Rest

At the Pfanner household, we currently have two dogs. The oldest is Bella and the youngest is Shadow. I love them both like crazy. If you have or have had a dog at any point, you know what I'm talking about. Nothing beats being greeted every time you come in the house as if you've been gone for three days even though you may have only been gone for ten minutes. It's an unconditional love that dogs just seem natural at portraying.

With my love for my two dogs, however, comes some aggravation when they don't listen to commands. Shadow is prone to this far more often than Bella. But it's hard to be angry at him because he has such a goofy personality. He's been known to go outside to go potty only to spot a bird or rabbit and instead chase them around the backyard. Then, he comes to our back door having not done his business. Just as quickly as he runs to the door, he runs back to the yard as if to say, "Oops! I forgot what I came out here to do!"

I cannot begin to tell you how many times my relationship with Christ has mirrored the image of Shadow's attention jumping from place to place.

I have a very, very sassy side. So sassy, in fact, that close friends have genuinely became angry with me. I also have a tendency to avoid conflict. This becomes a problem when I'm involved in a conversions that stray from holiness and into sin. Even among Catholic friends, I struggle to put the fire out when the conversation turns to gossip or sexual jokes. At times, I get wrapped up in my own pride and desire the attention and admiration of others. All of these things draw my attention away from Christ and leave me with a bitter aftertaste.

Last night was one of those nights when these things happened and I was very aware of it. Disappointed in how I handled myself, I did something I very rarely do: I wrote my prayer out to God. In it, every single sentence began with "I'm tired". I wasn't referring to a physical tiredness or even a mental tiredness, but a spiritual tiredness. I'm tired of preaching the word of God only to have my actions work in contrast far too often. I'm tired of praying for my future spouse and our relationship while neglecting to strive to be a virtuous man of God at all times. I'm tired of giving myself over to Christ only to take my life back as soon as prayer ends and then feeling as though I'm letting God down by my words and my actions which don't always reflect back on my prayer.

As I reflected on my written prayer, the number of times I wrote "I'm tired" began to jump off the page. I reflected on what this meant for my relationship with Christ. As I did, I couldn't stop thinking about Matthew 11:28-30:

"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."

I'm tired not because I am doing too much but because I'm failing to place the source of life, God the Father, at the center of everything I do throughout the day. It is in Him and Him alone that my strength comes. It is only in Christ that we find true peace and rest. As St. Augustine said, "Thou hast made us for Thyself, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in Thee." Without this source of love, I'm bound to give into temptation and sin.

We cannot live truly Christian lives if Christ is not the source and summit of our daily routine. Every act in which we partake should be an offering to the Giver of Live. Lately, I have found myself exhausted by the ends of my days (and sometimes during my days) and so I make the conscious decision to forgo praying and rationalize that decision. I tell myself I know I'm just going to fall asleep in two minutes so I shouldn't even bother. While this may be true, those two minutes of prayer carry just as much weight as 30 minutes, provided I give Christ my undivided attention and don't intentionally cut it short.

This failure to pray at night may seem inconsequential, but it brings with it much spiritual warfare. Failure to examine our conscious each night, reflecting on what we did well and where we fell short, eliminates any reminder to do better the next day. Without this, it's so much easier to become trapped in complacency and prevents any opportunity to grow in virtue. Furthermore, it becomes difficult to uphold holiness in our lives and the lives of others when we fail to recognize our own shortcomings and resolve to improve upon them, drawing on the grace of our Father to constantly convert our hearts and lead us closer to Him.

As I close, I just want to offer up a prayer and I ask that you would join me, asking the Lord to take away any burdens you may have in order to live more fully in Him where your heart rests:

Father, we offer our lives as living sacrifices for Your name. We pray that we would resolve to live according to the commandments given to us for Your sake and the sake of the world. We ask for the strength to resist temptation and the courage to be true disciples of all nations. Lord, we know that we are sinners constantly in need of Thy mercy. For the times we fail to keep Your commands or we willingly turn our backs on You, we ask for the grace to begin anew, filled with every hope and the desire to sin no more. We thank You for Your unending and unconditional love, calling us to sainthood. Amen.

Running As Prayer

As a runner, I know all too well the struggles and triumphs that come with running. Some days, you hit a perfect stride and can run for 60+ minutes. Other days, you hit the first mile and your legs already feel like bricks. I’ve been a competitive runner for nearly eight years now. I always have and always will enjoy running, but one other constant remains: it’s never consistently easy. The mental battle just to lace up my shoes has single-handedly kept me off the roads countless times. But there’s a great beauty that comes with running, too. Whether you’re running sub-16 5K’s or just putting in a daily mile at the track, everyone has a different reason why they run. My answer has varied and, at times, included a dozen answers, but the last few years, one reason I love running has stood above all else: running and prayer are coequal in a multitude of ways and, to an extent, are interchangeable.

Pacing

Anyone who has ever started up running knows you don’t try to run 6 miles on day one. The first time I started running, I made it about a half mile before I had to walk. Biting off more than you can chew from the beginning is a great way to crush any motivation you have to continue running. Not to mention, setting goals too high early on can lead to a lot of walk-jogging, which is not conducive to competitive running. Whether you’re focused on pace or distance, you have to build it up over time. The same applies to time in prayer. Chances are, if you jump right into morning prayer followed by a holy hour and daily Mass, you’re either going to exhaust yourself or you’re going to be distracted and not completely focused on our Lord. This isn’t always the case, however, so don’t think you’re overdoing it if Christ is moving in your prayer. But, in my experience, you have to build up to more over time.

Discipline

This one is pivotal. Without discipline, both running and prayer fall apart. I already mentioned the number of times the mental battle to run has prevented numerous runs over the years. Taking a day off from running isn’t necessarily bad, especially when your body needs it, but don’t confuse needing rest and lacking discipline. The difference is the latter can keep you off the road for days, weeks, and months at a time. This can cause a vicious cycle as you try to get back into running shape again. The best way to make running “easy” is to continue. When it comes to prayer, I have found discipline and prayer to relate directly. When my prayer life is undisciplined, it becomes dry and my relationship with Christ crumbles. Not because He has failed me, but because I lacked self-control to pray fervently and frequently. Similarly, when my prayer life lacks discipline and I distance myself from God, I find it much more difficult to convince myself that an hour of running is worth it. Conversely, when I talk myself out of my daily run, it become much easier to become lazy and slack off when it comes to prayer.

Perseverance

Nothing in the world can feel more frustrating and deflating than getting to the fifth mile of an eight mile run and hitting a wall. All you can do is grind it out for the last four. Then, you get to come back the next day and do it all over again. Granted, not every day brings about a struggle, but it can and does happen. The best runners understand that those times are where improvements are made, but only when you endure the difficulty. Likewise, prayer has its peaks and valleys which require unfailing faith and a commitment to pray even when things aren’t going so well. Similar to discipline, there is a direct correlation between running, prayer, and perseverance. From my experience, the majority of running is mental rather than physical. Our bodies can achieve things we never thought possible, but only if our minds will allow it. Training your mind to stop when running gets difficult can very easily spill over into our prayer. As soon as we become distracted or tired of waiting for the Lord to speak to us, we’ll have taught ourselves to walk away.

Run is life; prayer is life

If you’re training for weekend 5K’s, I’m willing to bet you don’t just roll out of bed on Saturday morning having no prior training. Competitive running requires daily training, sometimes even twice daily. Moreover, a poor training diet will greatly diminish your end results. The greatest achievements in running come to those who eat, sleep, and breathe running and all that it entails. Being nominally Christian or Catholic (Christian/Catholic by name, but only on Sundays) will hinder your faith and prayer life as well. Showing up on Sunday for an hour does not count as having a prayer life. Being a Christian isn’t an asset or a résumé builder; it’s a way of life. If you are truly convicted in your faith and belief in Jesus Christ, your life should be molded to fit Him in, not the other way around. You’ll never hear of a saint who only prayed on Sundays, just like you’ll never hear of a Boston Marathon winner who only ran on Sundays.

It’s always better when you share it

This is arguable one of my favorite part about being a Catholic who happens to also run: they’re communal. Yes, they can and should include personal time as well, but there’s so much joy in running with a good friend or praying with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Without this, we’d have no one with which to share our struggles and triumphs. Additionally, it’s these relationships which challenge us to take the next step. When I see/hear one of my old high school teammates having success post-college, it motivates me in a positive way to get back into shape or push myself to improve my times. When I see/hear a brother or sister having a spiritual triumph, their witness inspires me to continue fighting my daily battles with certain sins. We are all one body in Christ. To that end, we support each other during the tough times and rejoice in each other’s victories. 

Honoring Him who loves us

Last but certainly not least, running is an opportunity both to honor God with the body He gave us and to be in communion with Him. As a college student, I know how difficult maintaining a regular routine of prayer can be. That is precisely why my love for running has grown over the years. Running always used to be a quiet time of personal reflection. It was an opportunity to think about school, family, friends, and responsibilities without being stressed. Little did I know at the time, I was in essence praying to God. Prayer doesn't need to be a theological masterpiece. Conversation with Christ: The Teaching of St. Teresa of Avila about Personal Prayer hits on this exact point when it emphasizes on the very first page that "mental prayer is nothing else than an intimate friendship". Simply, prayer is a friendly conversation with Jesus Christ. This includes petitions, personal worries, adoration of Christ, thanksgiving, and so much more. Running is the perfect opportunity to give Him praise in our fast-paced society. During the last year or so, I've slowly begun to ditch the headphones and iPhone completely on my runs in favor of mental prayer. 

Boasting in Your Weakness

In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul writes, "He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

It's one of the most commonly used phrases in the Christian circle: "I will boast in my weakness". But what exactly does this mean? What does it mean to "boast in your weakness"? This is one area of my faith I've never fully been able to wrap my head around. For a while, I just thought it meant that we shouldn't be ashamed of the ways in which we feel inadequate. Notice I said feel, not are. However, this semester at OSU, God has slowly been revealing to me a little bit of what boasting in my weakness really means. I don't have a degree in Theology or Catechetics so you'll have to bear with me a little bit on this one.

For those of you who don't know, I'm part of a Catholic group on campus called Saint Paul's Outreach. Their motto is "Catholic faith alive on campus". They're huge on the new evangelization and reaching out to anyone and everyone, but especially those who haven't yet encountered Christ in their lives. I'm a bit of a timid personality at first which makes evangelization difficult. I'm often consumed with negative opinions about myself and how my different quirks will be interpreted by others. It's by far one of my greatest weaknesses and often leaves me afraid of introducing myself to new people. As you might expect, you can't lead others to Christ when you don't even introduce yourself to them.

A few weekends ago, SPO held their annual Fan Into Flame retreat. I attended for the first time. Without going too much in to detail about the weekend, I want to share one experience I had and how I've grown from that and learned to boast in my weakness when it comes to evangelizing. On the second night, we had a prayer meeting that closed with small group prayer. While my group was praying over me, I fully surrendered all of the walls I had built up that kept me from trusting in God's Will and just prayed that He would help me to become a better disciple. At one point, one of the SPO leaders said he thought God wanted me to receive the gift of tongues and asked if I'd be open to it. At any other time, I would have thought, "I guess so but I don't really believe that can happen. Not to me anyway." It turns out I was right. But it was about more than whether or not I would receive that gift. The true grace that night came when I give Him my "yes" with absolutely no reserves and full confidence that through God's power, it was actually possible.

That night is when I finally started to wrap my mind around what it means to boast in my weakness. I had all this doubt about my ability to allow the Holy Spirit to work through me. I focused on all the weaknesses I had which kept me thinking I was less than extraordinary. I doubted God's power to provide for me in the ways in which I fell short. But that night, I boasted in my weakness. I turned to Christ and I said, "God, there is no way I'm capable of doing this myself, but I believe that if I surrender completely to Your Will, there isn't anything I can't do."

This is just one example of what it means to truly boast in your weakness. It's not saying that you are proud of your shortcomings. It's not a way of becoming content with mediocrity. Rather, it's admitting that we aren't perfect and we don't have it all together, but combined with God's Will, His name will be glorified through our actions and through our words. When Paul writes that "I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses", he isn't saying he's happy to have inadequacies; rather, he's rejoicing in the fact that because of those inadequacies, he has the opportunity to bring glory to God.

The fact that we are all flawed human beings is not by coincidence. If you and I were perfect, we'd be God and we wouldn't be glorifying His name. God made us knowing full well that we would never be able to reach His level of perfection, not because he wants us to suffer and wallow in self-pity, but in order to give us the opportunity to unite with his most Sacred Heart and give ours lives back to him. Again, as Paul said, "[God's] grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." We can only reach the level of holiness Christ is calling us to by taking the lives He has given us and giving it right back to Him. We must surrender our entire beings to Him who created us. If we focus on trying to accomplish everything ourselves, we're destined to fall flat on our face time and time again. God's grace is sufficient for you! Once we acknowledge that we do have weaknesses and submit our lives to God, His power will work through us, His sons and daughters, in order conform us perfectly with His Will for each of us.

As I close, I just encourage you to pinpoint the areas of your life that you know you have weaknesses. Maybe you struggle interpreting God's word. Maybe you get uncomfortable when asked to pray out loud with a small group. Maybe you don't have the greatest voice and feel self-conscious singing during Mass or praise and worship. Whatever those weaknesses are, I urge you not to let those weaknesses make you feel inferior. God loves you exactly the way you are. After all, He created you. I promise, if you take those struggles and lay them at the foot of the cross, God will respond in power and majesty. Let us follow in the footsteps of our Blessed Mother when she was called by God: "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38)

As always, my readers are continually in my prayers.

Praying for you as you pray for me.

Love Your Sisters: An Open Call To Men

Men are visual creatures. We enjoy aesthetically pleasing electronics. We enjoy watching grown men tackle each other on television. We enjoy anything that we can visually see.

Unfortunately, when it comes to our actions toward women, we’re also visual creatures. It’s no wonder the combination of an immodestly dressed model and a man’s visual senses are a lethal combination and a huge money maker for businesses.

I’ve personally wrestled with whether men are fully accountable for the ways they objectify women or whether it’s a mutual effort. While I do feel we as men shouldn’t harbor all the blame, I do think we should take ownership of having full responsibility for our own actions.

Blessed John Paul II once said, “Christ has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman; and simultaneously, he also assigns to every woman the dignity of every man.” I’m sure this is a quote many of you have heard on numerous occasions. However, I think it’s a particularly important one to mention when discussing our relationships with the women in our lives. Men, our part of the bargain is laid out very simply; we are responsible for protecting and guarding the dignity of  ALL women.

What does this look like? It’s more than just not objectifying them. It’s not stealing glances at the pretty girl jogging. It’s also proving that chivalry isn’t dead by opening doors – even for women we don’t know. It’s honoring them by speaking highly of them even when they aren’t in the vicinity. It’s praying for them on a daily basis. It’s reminding them of their value and worth. It’s being intentional about your actions. It’s telling them they’re beautiful over and over and over again because, frankly, it’s true.

Let’s look back at JPII’s quote. It sounds like this responsibility is a two-way street, right? That’s because it is. However, let’s compare it with the ways a husband loves his wife, a father loves his children, and Christ loves each of us. When Christ died for us, He didn’t just expect us to return that love; hence, we have free will which allows us to decide between returning that love or not. Certainly, this doesn’t mean we’re off the hook and we can just choose to ignore the sacrifice He gave us either. Christ loves each and every one of us with an agape (unconditional) love. That means He’s going to love us regardless of whether we choose to return that love or not. Similarly, a Godly husband loves his wife whether she deserves his love or not. The same goes for a father and his children. This also applies to how we defend the dignity of women.

I used to complain that our struggle with objectifying women stemmed mostly from the way many women today dress and speak and the ads that are thrown in our face every day. But that does not give us the right to overlook our responsibilities as men. Just because a woman makes a conscious decision to dress provocatively (and not all of the women you encounter will even tempt you by dressing this way) does not give us the right to infringe on her dignity. On the contrary, it is our responsibility to hold ourselves doubly accountable for our actions. You know the old adage: “Two wrongs don’t make a right." We can only control our half of the relationship with a woman. Regardless of the response we get in return, we are called to show all women that agape love through our actions and conversations.  No matter if you’re talking to your best friend, girlfriend, wife, or mother, make sure you’re holding up your end of the bargain by respecting and honoring her dignity. We need more men in this world who courageously stand up for their sisters in Christ, whether it’s the easy thing to do or not.

Men, by challenging each other to live lives of heroic virtue and inviting Christ into our relationships with everyone, especially women, we can crush the enemy’s lies and build up a new generation founded in Christ’s love.

I’m praying for you as you pray for me. 

Discipleship: The Middle Man

When I first created this blog a few months ago, I had no idea what I was doing. I’ve never even attempted to take the ways God speaks to me in prayer and formulate actual sentences. If you’re anything like me, your personal prayer is probably far from the most beautiful and eloquent conversations you’ve ever had. That’s the beauty of God and His willingness to have a personal relationship with each of us. He doesn’t expect every prayer you offer up to be presented perfectly. He wants honesty. He wants you in your most raw and tangible form.

This brought up a lot of questions for me when I created this blog. Why would God place this desire on me when I rarely knew what to say in private to Him? How could I possibly translate my nonsensical conversation with Him into a way to glorify His kingdom publicly? I've spent many nights pondering this since my last blog post. During this time, I was reflecting on the URL I choose: venisancte-spiritus. It translates from Latin as “Come, Holy Spirit”. During my reflection, I learned that this name choice was no accident. God was very clearly telling me that this blog is not about how I can glorify His kingdom, but how He can use me to glorify His kingdom.

Mark Hart, the executive vice-president of Life Teen International, tweeted, “I need to quit trying to be the painter...and just rejoice that I get to be a brush.” From the first time I read this quote, I fell in love with it. How true is it? For those of us who have boldly announced Christ as our Savior and are living each day for Him, we’re also on mission for Him. Once you know Christ’s love, you want everyone to experience it. That’s great. But if you’re anything like me, you often get in your own way. Even worse, you get in God’s way. Growing up, society tells us that if we want to get anything done, we have to do it ourselves. That do-it-yourself mentality can hinder our ability to be on mission for Christ. We’re exclaiming our love for the Lord, but we fail to bring Him with us when we evangelize. Instead, we focus on our strengths versus our weaknesses and the areas we need to improve, without welcoming Him into that area.

In some respect, I like to think of myself as the middle man when it comes to discipleship. Yes, I’m the one engaging in conversations with others, but it’s God who’s really doing the work. As Mark said, I shouldn't try to be the painter. I should rejoice that I get to be a brush because I've given Him my yes.

I want to challenge all of us to do three things: First, welcome Christ into your evangelization process. Allow Him to mold you and shape you as you enter into the lives of new people who need to see His love in your actions and your words. Second, get out of God’s way. Instead of focusing on doing it all yourself, remember that you’re not the painter. With that, don’t think you can do it all and don’t put pressure on yourself to do it all. Finally, pray. Your conversations with Christ may seem like gibberish to you sometimes. That’s okay. If you’re giving Him your time, He will help you grow and He will tell you the ways you can become a better disciple.

You will all be in my prayers as you learn to grow in your discipleship. Please also keep me in yours. As followers of Christ, we’re all in this together. None of us has it all figured out which makes praying with and for each other so vitally important.

Praying for you as you pray for me.