Forgive and Forget: Leaving Habitual Sin in the Rearview Mirror

One of my favorite things to do is go on long road trips. Over the course of the past year, I’ve made two trips from my hometown of Sandusky, OH to Life Teen’s Camp Covecrest in Tiger, GA. It’s a little over 600 miles and takes 10 or 11 hours. During all of my trips, I’ve had the great pleasure of traveling with a good friend I met at the beginning of my first journey to Georgia. Despite being “stuck” in a car together for 10+ hours on a handful of occasions, we loved every minute. It’s an opportunity to talk about life, have a few laughs, and prepare for arrival at a new destination. Whether we’re driving from Ohio to Georgia or back to Ohio, we always agree on one principle: We want to get there as fast as possible. It’s not that we don’t enjoy each other’s company – we definitely do – but we anticipate the final destination and want to minimize the time between the start and end. We’re focused on the road ahead.

The Christian faith walk is similar to a long road trip in many ways. There’s a starting point, a road ahead, and a final destination. At the micro level, our lives with Christ have many new starting points representing each time we’re convicted to grow in a particular virtue or area of our lives. The road ahead represents the challenges and obstacles we will face along the way, the grace God gives us on the journey, and energy required to transport us from point A to point B. Finally, we arrive at the destination. However, the destination does not signify an ending point. Rather, it’s a moment of reflection that reminds us what can be accomplished with God and reason to begin a new journey.

Of course, this is a very simplified and optimistic view of the Christian walk. We all know it is much more difficult than getting into a car and driving somewhere. Sometimes, our car breaks down and we don’t go anywhere. Other times, we may decide the destination requires too much sacrifice on our part and turn around. Even worse, we often focus too much on what’s holding us back from a deeper relationship Christ. We keep our eyes fixed in the rear view mirror, especially the sins we’ve committed that seem to creep back into our lives, in hopes of keeping those things behind us. While this seems well-intention, there’s a worry about focusing on the past: we miss the present.

Sometimes, I think I’m the biggest sinner that has ever existed. I get frustrated with struggling with the same sins over and over again. I run to confession every time I commit a sin in hopes that this time I’ll receive some miraculous grace and instantly become a saint. When I don’t run to confession, I buy into the lies that God somehow doesn’t love me because I “disappointed” Him. Eventually, someone comes in at the perfect time and reminds me of a simple truth I often forget: God forgives every sin I commit the moment I feel remorse for having committed it. Yes, Reconciliation is a great sacrament and is absolutely necessary for Catholics, but unless an individual is in a state of mortal sin, going every time a person so much as has a negative thought about another person isn’t essential and can sometimes even be a poor habit. The opposite of not desiring forgiveness is being overly scrupulous.

In my experience, scrupulosity is often a result of being unable to forgive myself for doing the inevitable. I desire to be a saint, but I’m nowhere near perfect and neither were they. We’re humans with emotions and passions which sometimes get the best of us. The most important thing after asking God for forgiveness is forgiving ourselves. After all, He has already forgiven us. Shouldn’t we offer the same kindness to ourselves?

I believe the evil one likes to use our desire for holiness against us. Especially for Christians who are very passionate about their faith and relationship with Jesus, we can sometimes fall into a trap of believing that by focusing on not committing a certain sin, we can avoid it and achieve holiness. This is especially bad when it comes to sins we continually fall victim to. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried so hard to avoid being prideful that I back myself right into being prideful….about not being prideful. Pretty ridiculous, isn’t it? I focus my attention in the rearview mirror on all the times I’ve let my pride get in the way and try so hard not to let it happen again that I don’t see the brick wall I’m about to drive into. This is exactly what the evil one wants. He wants us to be so laser-focused on being perfect that we actually become blinded to all the imperfections in our lives. I’ll be the first to admit, I have countless weaknesses keeping me from growing closer to Jesus, but I focus 80% of my attention on 20% of my sins and ignore all the rest. Even then, I’m so focused on NOT SINNING that I miss the point: Jesus loves me and desires the same in return.

You see, the point of Christianity isn’t to avoid sinning. The point of Christianity is a relationship with Jesus Christ and inviting others into that relationship. The heart of the issue with a habitual sin isn’t the sin itself, but the trigger – what’s really at the heart of the matter. In order to truly free ourselves of these routine sins, conversion is required. Conversion transforms our hearts to further mimic God’s heart in our day to day lives. Jesus is our example of God’s heart. Prayer is absolutely essential for this conversion to take place. If pinpoint focus on avoiding sin is Satan’s strategy to influence our decisions, prayer is God’s blueprint to understanding his heart and transforming ours to be more like His.

Every day is a battle for the truth Jesus Christ offers. We cannot hope to win the battle – and certainly not the war – if we do not arm ourselves with this truth. We’re hopeless to live holiness and avoid sin if we’re defenseless in battle. In the series Band of Brothers, Lieutenant Winters is a steadfast example of a courageous leader in battle, but his leadership would suffer if he only focused on the pain of yesterday and all the men lost in war. Those things matter, but Winters cannot allow them to define his outlook on today. The same is true when we slip up. It’s important because it keeps us humble, but we’re hopeless if we let sin define who we are as sons and daughters of God.

Praying for you as you pray for me.

Cory