Love Your Sisters: An Open Call To Men

Men are visual creatures. We enjoy aesthetically pleasing electronics. We enjoy watching grown men tackle each other on television. We enjoy anything that we can visually see.

Unfortunately, when it comes to our actions toward women, we’re also visual creatures. It’s no wonder the combination of an immodestly dressed model and a man’s visual senses are a lethal combination and a huge money maker for businesses.

I’ve personally wrestled with whether men are fully accountable for the ways they objectify women or whether it’s a mutual effort. While I do feel we as men shouldn’t harbor all the blame, I do think we should take ownership of having full responsibility for our own actions.

Blessed John Paul II once said, “Christ has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman; and simultaneously, he also assigns to every woman the dignity of every man.” I’m sure this is a quote many of you have heard on numerous occasions. However, I think it’s a particularly important one to mention when discussing our relationships with the women in our lives. Men, our part of the bargain is laid out very simply; we are responsible for protecting and guarding the dignity of  ALL women.

What does this look like? It’s more than just not objectifying them. It’s not stealing glances at the pretty girl jogging. It’s also proving that chivalry isn’t dead by opening doors – even for women we don’t know. It’s honoring them by speaking highly of them even when they aren’t in the vicinity. It’s praying for them on a daily basis. It’s reminding them of their value and worth. It’s being intentional about your actions. It’s telling them they’re beautiful over and over and over again because, frankly, it’s true.

Let’s look back at JPII’s quote. It sounds like this responsibility is a two-way street, right? That’s because it is. However, let’s compare it with the ways a husband loves his wife, a father loves his children, and Christ loves each of us. When Christ died for us, He didn’t just expect us to return that love; hence, we have free will which allows us to decide between returning that love or not. Certainly, this doesn’t mean we’re off the hook and we can just choose to ignore the sacrifice He gave us either. Christ loves each and every one of us with an agape (unconditional) love. That means He’s going to love us regardless of whether we choose to return that love or not. Similarly, a Godly husband loves his wife whether she deserves his love or not. The same goes for a father and his children. This also applies to how we defend the dignity of women.

I used to complain that our struggle with objectifying women stemmed mostly from the way many women today dress and speak and the ads that are thrown in our face every day. But that does not give us the right to overlook our responsibilities as men. Just because a woman makes a conscious decision to dress provocatively (and not all of the women you encounter will even tempt you by dressing this way) does not give us the right to infringe on her dignity. On the contrary, it is our responsibility to hold ourselves doubly accountable for our actions. You know the old adage: “Two wrongs don’t make a right." We can only control our half of the relationship with a woman. Regardless of the response we get in return, we are called to show all women that agape love through our actions and conversations.  No matter if you’re talking to your best friend, girlfriend, wife, or mother, make sure you’re holding up your end of the bargain by respecting and honoring her dignity. We need more men in this world who courageously stand up for their sisters in Christ, whether it’s the easy thing to do or not.

Men, by challenging each other to live lives of heroic virtue and inviting Christ into our relationships with everyone, especially women, we can crush the enemy’s lies and build up a new generation founded in Christ’s love.

I’m praying for you as you pray for me. 

Discipleship: The Middle Man

When I first created this blog a few months ago, I had no idea what I was doing. I’ve never even attempted to take the ways God speaks to me in prayer and formulate actual sentences. If you’re anything like me, your personal prayer is probably far from the most beautiful and eloquent conversations you’ve ever had. That’s the beauty of God and His willingness to have a personal relationship with each of us. He doesn’t expect every prayer you offer up to be presented perfectly. He wants honesty. He wants you in your most raw and tangible form.

This brought up a lot of questions for me when I created this blog. Why would God place this desire on me when I rarely knew what to say in private to Him? How could I possibly translate my nonsensical conversation with Him into a way to glorify His kingdom publicly? I've spent many nights pondering this since my last blog post. During this time, I was reflecting on the URL I choose: venisancte-spiritus. It translates from Latin as “Come, Holy Spirit”. During my reflection, I learned that this name choice was no accident. God was very clearly telling me that this blog is not about how I can glorify His kingdom, but how He can use me to glorify His kingdom.

Mark Hart, the executive vice-president of Life Teen International, tweeted, “I need to quit trying to be the painter...and just rejoice that I get to be a brush.” From the first time I read this quote, I fell in love with it. How true is it? For those of us who have boldly announced Christ as our Savior and are living each day for Him, we’re also on mission for Him. Once you know Christ’s love, you want everyone to experience it. That’s great. But if you’re anything like me, you often get in your own way. Even worse, you get in God’s way. Growing up, society tells us that if we want to get anything done, we have to do it ourselves. That do-it-yourself mentality can hinder our ability to be on mission for Christ. We’re exclaiming our love for the Lord, but we fail to bring Him with us when we evangelize. Instead, we focus on our strengths versus our weaknesses and the areas we need to improve, without welcoming Him into that area.

In some respect, I like to think of myself as the middle man when it comes to discipleship. Yes, I’m the one engaging in conversations with others, but it’s God who’s really doing the work. As Mark said, I shouldn't try to be the painter. I should rejoice that I get to be a brush because I've given Him my yes.

I want to challenge all of us to do three things: First, welcome Christ into your evangelization process. Allow Him to mold you and shape you as you enter into the lives of new people who need to see His love in your actions and your words. Second, get out of God’s way. Instead of focusing on doing it all yourself, remember that you’re not the painter. With that, don’t think you can do it all and don’t put pressure on yourself to do it all. Finally, pray. Your conversations with Christ may seem like gibberish to you sometimes. That’s okay. If you’re giving Him your time, He will help you grow and He will tell you the ways you can become a better disciple.

You will all be in my prayers as you learn to grow in your discipleship. Please also keep me in yours. As followers of Christ, we’re all in this together. None of us has it all figured out which makes praying with and for each other so vitally important.

Praying for you as you pray for me.