One of my favorite things to do is go on long road trips.
Over the course of the past year, I’ve made two trips from my hometown of
Sandusky, OH to Life Teen’s Camp Covecrest in Tiger, GA. It’s a little over 600
miles and takes 10 or 11 hours. During all of my trips, I’ve had the great
pleasure of traveling with a good friend I met at the beginning of my first
journey to Georgia. Despite being “stuck” in a car together for 10+ hours on a
handful of occasions, we loved every minute. It’s an opportunity to talk about
life, have a few laughs, and prepare for arrival at a new destination. Whether
we’re driving from Ohio to Georgia or back to Ohio, we always agree on one
principle: We want to get there as fast as possible. It’s not that we don’t
enjoy each other’s company – we definitely do – but we anticipate the final
destination and want to minimize the time between the start and end. We’re focused
on the road ahead.
The
Christian faith walk is similar to a long road trip in many ways. There’s a starting
point, a road ahead, and a final destination. At the micro level, our lives
with Christ have many new starting points representing each time we’re
convicted to grow in a particular virtue or area of our lives. The road ahead
represents the challenges and obstacles we will face along the way, the grace
God gives us on the journey, and energy required to transport us from point A
to point B. Finally, we arrive at the destination. However, the destination
does not signify an ending point. Rather, it’s a moment of reflection that
reminds us what can be accomplished with God and reason to begin a new journey.
Of course,
this is a very simplified and optimistic view of the Christian walk. We all
know it is much more difficult than getting into a car and driving somewhere. Sometimes,
our car breaks down and we don’t go anywhere. Other times, we may decide the destination
requires too much sacrifice on our part and turn around. Even worse, we often
focus too much on what’s holding us back from a deeper relationship Christ. We
keep our eyes fixed in the rear view mirror, especially the sins we’ve
committed that seem to creep back into our lives, in hopes of keeping those
things behind us. While this seems well-intention, there’s a worry about
focusing on the past: we miss the present.
Sometimes,
I think I’m the biggest sinner that has ever existed. I get frustrated with
struggling with the same sins over and over again. I run to confession every
time I commit a sin in hopes that this time I’ll receive some miraculous grace
and instantly become a saint. When I don’t run to confession, I buy into the
lies that God somehow doesn’t love me because I “disappointed” Him. Eventually,
someone comes in at the perfect time and reminds me of a simple truth I often
forget: God forgives every sin I commit the moment I feel remorse for having
committed it. Yes, Reconciliation is a great sacrament and is absolutely
necessary for Catholics, but unless an individual is in a state of mortal sin,
going every time a person so much as has a negative thought about another
person isn’t essential and can sometimes even be a poor habit. The opposite of
not desiring forgiveness is being overly scrupulous.
In my
experience, scrupulosity is often a result of being unable to forgive myself
for doing the inevitable. I desire to be a saint, but I’m nowhere near perfect
and neither were they. We’re humans with emotions and passions which sometimes get
the best of us. The most important thing after asking God for forgiveness is
forgiving ourselves. After all, He has already forgiven us. Shouldn’t we offer
the same kindness to ourselves?
I believe
the evil one likes to use our desire for holiness against us. Especially for
Christians who are very passionate about their faith and relationship with
Jesus, we can sometimes fall into a trap of believing that by focusing on not
committing a certain sin, we can avoid it and achieve holiness. This is
especially bad when it comes to sins we continually fall victim to. I can’t
tell you how many times I’ve tried so hard to avoid being prideful that I back
myself right into being prideful….about not being prideful. Pretty ridiculous,
isn’t it? I focus my attention in the rearview mirror on all the times I’ve let
my pride get in the way and try so hard not to let it happen again that I don’t
see the brick wall I’m about to drive into. This is exactly what the evil one
wants. He wants us to be so laser-focused on being perfect that we actually
become blinded to all the imperfections in our lives. I’ll be the first to
admit, I have countless weaknesses keeping me from growing closer to Jesus, but
I focus 80% of my attention on 20% of my sins and ignore all the rest. Even
then, I’m so focused on NOT SINNING that I miss the point: Jesus loves me and
desires the same in return.
You see,
the point of Christianity isn’t to avoid sinning. The point of Christianity is
a relationship with Jesus Christ and inviting others into that relationship.
The heart of the issue with a habitual sin isn’t the sin itself, but the
trigger – what’s really at the heart of the matter. In order to truly free
ourselves of these routine sins, conversion is required. Conversion transforms
our hearts to further mimic God’s heart in our day to day lives. Jesus is our
example of God’s heart. Prayer is absolutely essential for this conversion to
take place. If pinpoint focus on avoiding sin is Satan’s strategy to influence
our decisions, prayer is God’s blueprint to understanding his heart and transforming
ours to be more like His.
Every day
is a battle for the truth Jesus Christ offers. We cannot hope to win the battle
– and certainly not the war – if we do not arm ourselves with this truth. We’re
hopeless to live holiness and avoid sin if we’re defenseless in battle. In the
series Band of Brothers, Lieutenant Winters
is a steadfast example of a courageous leader in battle, but his leadership
would suffer if he only focused on the pain of yesterday and all the men lost
in war. Those things matter, but Winters cannot allow them to define his
outlook on today. The same is true when we slip up. It’s important because it
keeps us humble, but we’re hopeless if we let sin define who we are as sons and
daughters of God.
Praying for you as you pray for me.
Cory